Bits and Pieces

The Bush Bubble Burst

George Bush is in trouble. It looks like the person widely known as "The President's Brain" - Karl Rove - may well be indicted over the leaking of a CIA agents name to the press. We will know later today. Then there is the cafuffle over the appointment of an Associate Justice to the Supreme Court, with Bush's favoured nominee withdrawing yesterday so as to stem the bleeding over her nomination. Then there is the continued fall out from the Katrina and Wilma hurricanes, where Bush's patronage appointees at FEMA and Homeland Security were clearly not up to the job.All in all, a bad time for the big guy. Can't say I am surprised.

(Well, got that wrong! While Karl Rove hasn't yet been indicted, Scooter - the Vice President's Chief of Staff has and has done the right thing and resigned. )

Leonardo de Caprio (LdC) and Global Warming

Oprah had LdC on last night to discuss global warming - something "he has been concerned with for a long time". She also showed her continued sense of inferiority when she introduced a Professor from Stanford "he has a big brain!" - really. She showed her ignorance, yet again, of how the world works and her naive approach to most things was at its worst. Her solution is to change the light bulbs in the home to the long lasting, eco-friendly bulbs. You may also want to consider buying a hybrid car ("as long it has room for my five dogs and burberry luggage!"). She is really starting to get on my nerves. If she didn't have interesting guests - like George Cluny today and Michael Jordan earlier this week - I wouldn’t bother watching.

Writing

My article on aboriginal issues - see below - which was published on Monday in the Edmonton Journal (a fine newspaper) has so far secured over 100 emails in support of my approach to this issue - which I refer to as Canada's shame. The shame got worse for me this week when it was revealed that over 100 reserves are forced to boil water for any use, since it is contaminated with e-coli. One reserve in northern Ontario is to be relocated, since the contamination is so bad that it is causing disease amongst almost half of the Indian band. It is a national disgrace.

Music

Now that my daughter in law is on board following the wedding, we have been exploring the music of Portugal, especially Fado. This is what the wikipedia has to say about Fado:

Fado is a type of folk music which most likely originated in the 1820s in Portugal.
It is characterized by mournful tunes and lyrics, often about the sea or the
life of the poor. The music is usually linked to the Portuguese word saudade (a
word with no accurate equivalent in English; being a type of longing, it conveys
a complex mixture of sadness, pain, nostalgia, happiness and love), and its
origins are probably from a mixture of African slave rhythms with traditional
music of Portuguese sailors, with Arabic influence. Some theories say it was
derived from Brazilian music styles like Lundum and Modinha.

There are two varieties of Fado: Lisbon and Coimbra. The Lisbon styleis the popular, while the Coimbra's is the refined style; both are seen asethnic music for sophisticated audience. The first great fado singer that isstill known was Maria Severa, living in the first half of the 19th century. Hertype of fado is today called "Lisbon's fado".In the 1920s and 1930s, a series of fado de Coimbra (a highly stylized version born in Coimbra) recordings were very popular.

Guitarists Carlos Paredes and his father Artur Paredes, were the masters and the great pioneers of this genre and the Portuguese guitar. Amália Rodrigues introduced the most well-known variety of fado. After her disappearance, a new wave of performers added stylistic changes andbrought more international popularity to the traditional Portuguese music. Thereare also some successful experiences with fado, namely mixing it with electronic music. Mariza and Mísia brought with them a new look to the traditionalsong, occasionally reviving 19th century fado. While Dulce
Pontes mixed it with popular and traditional Portuguese music. Madredeus
and Cristina Branco added with new instruments and themes - all that they kept
from the original Fado is its looks and the concept of "saudade". All varieties
of Fado are sorrowful; although some can also be joyful songs.

As I write this, I am listening to Mariza sing O Silencio da Guitara - lovely, lively and yet sad. Mariza was in Edmonton recently at a sell out concert. She is probably the natural successor to Amalia Rodrigues - a wonderful singer, who died October 6th 1999 at the age of 79.

Can Women Cook ?

Gordon Ramsey, the three star world leading Chef and host of Hell's Kitchen (the US version of which was simply wonderful television - I'll never forget Dewberry or some of Gordon's one liners..like to a customer who was complaining "Rght, got it, now go back and play with one or two of those chins of yours"), has suggested that most British women simply can't cook. He's right.

Its actually worse than this. Most people, whatever their gender, can't cook. They don't like to, generally don't know how to and find it easier either to eat out or get a ready meal. In the UK, ready meals of quality are easy to find - Tesco has over 350 choices of such meals.

When Delia Smith, the real domestic godess and owner of Norwich City football club, started a series by explaining where eggs came from and how to cook them - boil, scramble, poach, fry - her fellow chefs went ape. Demeaning, they said. Well no. She did this because extensive researcj suggested that most people had no idea.

I watched Jamie Oliver's shows about school meals in the UK. When he held up various veg and asked the kids to name them, they had no idea. Which means that their parents had no idea either. Tragic.

So, don't shoot the messenger. Start cooking!

Whatever Happened to Customer Service ?

A comedian once quipped that the Air Canada vision statement was “we’re not happy ‘till you’re not happy!”. Now its not so funny. Not only is customer service on this airline poor, its poor almost everywhere you go.

The worst is The Bay. I came up with the idea of a new reality show where you win prizes if you can find a shop assistant. Really big prizes go to those who can find a shop assistant who can actually help you. I walked out in disgust the other day when, after asking to see some specific sheets for a wedding gift, I was taken to look at shirts instead.

Then there is the public service. My son has applied for several jobs at Capital Health and has yet to receive such a thing as an acknowledgement, a phone call or any recognition of his application at all. The arrogance of this employer is astounding. Its no wonder there is a shortage of health care professionals – my son is off to the US to work.

Some places you simply know are going to be dreadful. I booked online for my car to be serviced and turned up at the time I had booked. They had no idea I was scheduled to be there. When I explained that I had booked on the computer, they all laughed – “we don’t trust computers!”, my agent said. Shame that my car has three of them on board.

Then there are restaurants – where the key differentiation between one place and another is service. I have been told that I shouldn’t drink white wine with steak – “it’s not right” – and I have had the worst experiencing of all in a well known steakhouse.

I have had wonderful service at some places – Sunterra Markets, Home Outfitters (ironically owned by The Hudson’s Bay Company), and Liquor Select – and the sense of achievement one feels when it happens is out of all proportion to the service itself. It’s just the fact of getting good service that blows me away.

UK WORSE DEBT THAN AFRICA + SOUTH AMERICA PUT TOGETHER

I read today that individuals in Britain owed more than £1,100 billion, exceeding the debts of Africa and South America put together. Put this another way, apart from the debts and deficits of the British government, the debts owed by individuals and families in Britain now exceed the debts that Sir Bob Geldof and Bono want written off.

This is leading to increases in suicide rates, repossession of homes and dramatic family crises. In London, the rate of repossession has increased 81% in one year – for the country as a whole, the increase is 66%. In the first half of this year 54,344 repossession actions were entered into the court system, 32,366 orders were made and 4,640 repossessions took place. By the end of the year, 10,000 houses will have been repossessed by mortgage lenders.

A key part of the problem is the ready access to credit cards. There are some 66 million credit cards in use in Britain - five times the European average and more than one for each British resident – man, woman and child.

Consumer debt was fuelled by low interest rates and easy access to credit and loans. Gross mortgage lending by UK banks added up to £17.8bn in September, the highest monthly total since July 2004, and almost 6% more than in August and 9.3% up on September last year. The average loan taken out for a house purchase remained unchanged over the month, at £130,500. This compares with an average of £111,300 recorded 12 months earlier. Net lending - the total advanced minus repayments and redemptions - rose by £4.9bn, compared with £4.4bn in August 2005 and September 2004. This is the biggest monthly increase so far this year and above the £4.4bn average of the previous six months.

Turning to credit cards, New borrowing on credit cards totaled £7.4bn, some 8% less than in August. However, repayments were also lower, and when seasonally adjusted the increase in net lending over the month, a figure of £108m, was above the recent average of £75m. Net lending on personal loans and overdrafts increased by £0.4bn over the month, after rising by £0.7bn in August. While credit card companies see this as a slowing down of consumer credit, any objective observer has to see this as continuing to be high rate of credit card use.


The chickens are coming home to roost. Personal bankruptcy is also on the rise in the UK is also rising – in the first quarter of 2005 it was 28% higher than in 2004 with 13,229 individuals declaring bankruptcy. For the year, it is anticipated that there will be some 75,000 individuals using this means to “sort out” their finances.

It gets worse. British firms are £130bn short of the figure they need to finance their workers' pensions, according to a new report. A study by the Association of Consulting Actuaries (ACA) published earlier this month showed that 88% of defined benefit schemes - those which offer a guaranteed payout to employees - do not have enough money to cover their liabilities. The average funding gap was 15%, suggesting that across the UK businesses need an extra £130bn to pay the pensions they have promised their workers.


The key rates = personal bankruptcy and repossession – are clear indicators of an economy in trouble. When we add growing signs of stagflation (a slowing and stagnant economy, low levels of R&D investment and growing Government debt coupled with inflation) and the pension scandal, then the British Government is in trouble.

There are other signs that Gordon Brown, Britain’s finance minister, will have to do something. The OECD reports that UK Government revenues are £10b lower than anticipated – the equivalent of $0.03p in new income taxes. Worse, Brown had estimated that GDP growth in the UK would be around 3% when it will be nearer 1.7%.

Other signs are there too. The quarterly industrial trends survey by the CBI found that factory orders for domestic and export markets fell faster than expected in the last three months. A third of the 700 firms surveyed said the volume of new orders fell in the third quarter – suggesting job losses in manufacturing alone of 25,000 or more before Xmas – 21,000 have already gone in the last three months.

So, if you are an investor who takes a long view, look at the UK right now and watch for “pickings”. If you live in the UK, get your own money arrangements in order and get out of any debt you can as fast as you can, since interest rates will continue to rise. If you are a British government Minister, worry like hell. Once the economy slips, so does power.

Makes You Think Eh ?

Anne Robinson on Weakest Link: What hot drink is an anagram of the word EAT ?
Contestant: Hot Chocolate ?

or

"You know, it really doesn't matter what the media write as long as you've got a young and beutiful piece of ass!" Donald Trump

Dont know what Oprah is up to. Another dreadful show last night - one of several so far in this season. Lets hope she does better with Michael Jordan tonight. Dr Phil is also having to crank it up a bit...seems like these two shows are tired..

THE LATEST NEWS (via The Two Ronnies)

The Metropolitan Police today denied that prisoners in their custody are excessively pampered. This follows yesterday's report that a man was hustled out of New Scotland Yard with an electric blanket over his head.

And we've just heard that a juggernaut of onions has shed its load all over the M-1. Motorists are advised to find a hard shoulder to cry on.

After a series of crimes in the Glasgow area, Chief Inspector McTavish has announced that he's looking for a man with one eye. If he doesn't find him, he's going to use both eyes.

The perfect crime was committed last night, when thieves broke into Scotland Yard and stole all the toilets. Police say they have absolutely nothing to go on.

And we've just heard that in the English Channel, a ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint. It is believed that both crews have been marooned.

Tonight, I shall be having a word with a man who goes in for meditation, because he thinks it's better than sitting around doing nothing. And also we'll be talking to a car designer who's crossed Toyota with Quasimodo and come up with The Hatchback of Notre Dame.

We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion.

But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

West Mercia police announced tonight that they wish to interview a man wearing high heels and frilly knickers, but the Chief Constable said they must wear their normal uniforms.

Many old music hall fans were present at the funeral today of Fred "Chuckles" Jenkins, Britain's oldest and unfunniest comedian. In tribute, the vicar read out one of Fred's jokes, and the congregation had two minutes silence.

Latest on the bullion robbery: At Wansforth Police Station, a man who's as deaf as a post, and doesn't speak English, with a terrible stutter, bad breath and squeaky shoes, is not helping the police with their inquiries one little bit.

At London's Heathrow, senior customs officer Seaforth Mumbly retired today. He shook hands with passengers passing through the customs, and confiscated a gold watch for himself.

There was a fire at the main Inland Revenue office in London today, but it was put out before any serious good was done.

The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.

Finally, it was revealed in a government survey published today that the Prime Minister is doing the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.

There's only 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who don't!

Predictable...

On 30th September, using bookie tips from PaddyPower.com (see the novelty betting section at http://www.paddypower.com/bet?action=go_category&category=SPECIALS ) I suggested that Bush would chose Ben Barnanke as the next Federal Reserve Chairman, replacing Alan Greenspan, who will end his eighteen year tenure in January 2006. Not only did I predict this, I also predicted that Cardinal Ratzinger would be the Pope even before the conclave began. So what next...

Well, there is the leadership of the British conservative party, which is a race between David Davis (old hand, thug) and David Cameron (the Blair of the centre right). The vote is amongst all of the members of the party - yes, democracy has broken out in the Tory party - and the winner will be David Cameron. Paddpower are offering 1-12 on Cameron and 11-1 on Davis, so that's pretty clear.

Then there is the question of who will succeed Chirac as President of France (yes, he cant go on for ever). The two front runners at this stage are Dominique de Villipen (currently Prime Minister, despite never having been elected to anything and formerly the French Minister at the UN during the security council votes on Iraq) and Nicolas Sarkozy - odds on favourite. He is currently the Minister of the Interior in France and very popular. de Villipen is aloof and aristocratic - wheras Sarkozy is a man of the people. He will win. (Interestingly, last week when Chancellor Merkel of Germany visited France she saw both Chirac and Sarkozy).

The succession talk in France gained new momentum after Chirac had a stroke recently, which left him with impaired vision (nothing new for a President of France - in fact, I thought it was a requirement for the position). Formally, the election is in 2007 and Chirac could in fact be a candidate.

One other bet you may want to consider, when Gordon Brown succeeds Tony Blair in the UK, who will be his Deputy ? The money is currently going on David Blunkett, but my read is that his star is falling and only if Brown replaces Blair soon will this fly. Better to bet on Jack Straw as a steadier pair of hands. Straw has been Foreign Secretary for some time, but before that he was Home Secretary. Brown also has a tendency to be politically correct (its a shame, but there it is) and could feel that he would gain votes if he chose a woman - so watch carefully the career of Harriet Harman. Interestingly, I worked closely with Straw when he was President of the National Union of Students (NUS) and I was President of the Welsh Students Union. Then I worked with Harriet when she was with National Council of Civil Liberties and I was involved with a network organization in Wales. Peter Hain (who was at a small dinner party with Queen Juliana and ten other people including me) is also a runner here. My money's on Jack Straw.

Enough of the future..

That Was the Week That Was

It has been an interesting week from a cultural and enrichment point of view.

First, the positive cultural experiences. Thursday night was the ballet – the Alberta ballet’s performance of Prokofiev’s Romeo and Juliet with the Edmonton Symphony. You knew things were going to be good when the set was revealed and the dancers arrived on stage in simply stunning costumes – great performances by all, including the symphony. I was hooked. This was only my second time at the ballet – the first time was the Royal Ballet at Covent Garden – I will definitely go again.

Then last night (Saturday) it was Convocation Hall for the Turtle Island String Quartet. Now I have followed these guys for some time – David Balakrishnan and Mark Summer have been there since the start, while Evan Price and Mad Tolling are newer. All were excellent in their jazz fusion string quartet. Lots of new stuff, though they did play Tremors from their 1990 Windham Hill album, which I like a lot.

In between we watched a “gluppy” film – The Day After Tomorrow (2004). This pseudo-rubbish-science fiction movie based on the idea of sudden and catastrophic climate change due to global warming (itself an absurd idea) just got sillier and sillier as the film went on. What started off showing promise – it has amongst its cast Dennis Quaid, Ian Holm and Sela Ward and was directed by Roland Emmerich (Stargate, Universal Soldier, Independence Day). Full of factual errors and sloppy work, this is a picture to avoid.

The rest of the week was an intellectual treat. The low point was an Alberta Cabinet Minister who, when asked about water conservation, said that we should play close attention to “Israel and the Israelites”, since they are good at this. At least he knows his bible. A second low point was a speech from the Premier of Alberta, Ralph Klein. He gave it to an audience of 200 persons, mostly young leaders from across Canada, while chewing gum.

The high point was a speech and discussion with Jeffrey Simpson, columnist with the Globe and Mail. Not only was he insightful, he was also crystal clear – just like his columns. He inspired many at the table I was at. Another star was Lorne Calvert, Premier of Saskatchewan (“the most difficult Province to spell, but the easiest to draw” and "my Province is so flat, we can see the future coming!"). Finally, the young leaders themselves were an inspiration – thoughtful, persistent, creative, demanding – just what we need. Made me feel better about the future of Canada.

A TEST FOR ALBERTA

This blog appeared as an aritcle in the Edmonton Journal on 24th October 2005:

The Government of Alberta is spending our surplus. Some spending decisions make sense – putting money into trust for research and development, increasing access to Universities and Colleges, supporting the further expansion of health care services, for example – and some don’t. The $400 cheques we will each get make little sense – an expensive gesture, rooted in a misunderstanding of twenty first century Albertan psyche. It is a very nineteenth century gesture.

What no one is talking about is the need to use this unique opportunity to tackle Canada’s shame: our treatment of aboriginal people’s. They are the fastest growing demographic group in Alberta, they will be a major factor in the development of the Alberta economy for the first half of the present century and they have significant needs.

Four in particular are clear. First, they need better arrangements for self government. They need municipal government like structure, responsibility and resourcing on reserves. This would help promote effective self government and improve accountability. Partnering with the Federal Government and the aboriginal communities to create a more effective governance for reserves and for aboriginal communities within our urban areas is a valid call on our surplus.

Second, we need to be imaginative and creative about the education of aboriginal youth. Aboriginal youth do poorly at school, take few places in post secondary education and have high failure rates. Using learning circles, which involve elders as well as teachers, and a strong support network, aboriginal youth can be successful and can achieve great things. Though most success is seen in areas such as social work, education and trades work in the natural resource sector, we need to shift the focus of education to technology intensive industries – the future of work. Over three quarters of all future jobs will require some post-secondary education for entry: spending significant funds supporting innovative aboriginal education is a valid call on our surplus.

Third, aboriginal health is poor. Whatever significant health condition you study – diabetes, heart disease, obesity – aboriginal people are likely to have twice or three times the incidence of the condition as their non-aboriginal counterparts. Poverty and a lack of education are the major causes. Investing in strategies that will dramatically improve the health of our aboriginal people is a valid call on our surplus and spending on prevention will lower future health care costs.

Finally, we need to do more to honour our side of our treaty obligations. A major concern of aboriginal people is the earth and what we are doing to it. Dedicating resources to sustainable environmental programs – restoring spoiled lands, doing more to ensure our clean water supply, protecting precious species – and doing so in partnership with our aboriginal leaders makes sense. Spending some of the surplus on specific “showcase” projects makes sense.

We look to significant increases in immigration to deal with a significant shortage of labour in Alberta, yet we neglect the development of skills and competences of our own aboriginal people. While it will take imagination, determination and resources to dramatically change the conditions of the aboriginal people of Alberta, it is something we should do to show the rest of Canada what a responsible, imaginative and effective twenty first century Government can do. It will also take courage.


It is a test of a visionary government that they tackle the tough issues as well as grasp at the low hanging political fruit. Watch carefully, since the test of how visionary our Alberta government really is will be what it does with the issues facing aboriginal people.

The Happy Couple

The happy couple - this is one of their engagement photo's. When they become available, wedding photographs will appear here too... 

Alan Bennett, who has a new book which is "well worth reading" - see below.
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Those innovative Japanese are at it again. This time, a device for the lonely woman..a mans arm. Whatever next...
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MORE CULTURE

Another disappointing Sean Penn movie – The Interpreter (with Nicole Kidman). It lacked real drama, felt very contrived and Sean Penn should just act not think about acting all of the time (this method acting gets in the way)

A much better movie from Kevin Spacey looking at the life of Bobby Darin – Beyond the Sea. Spacey presents a convincing character, sings well and brigs to life someone I merely knew vaguely about. Darin died in 1973, which is remarkable since his doctors thought he would die at 15 or so (which would have been in 1954. He married Sandra Dee, the actress, who has this great line in the movie:

Bobby Darin: Kissing Troy Donahue is not acting.
Sandra Dee: Well, then, you should try it.

Spacey’s performance won a Golden Globe nomination and deservedly. He also co-wrote the piece, which has an intriguing use of a young Bobby Darin.

Harold Pinter wins Nobel prize for literature, it is announced. I suppose this is a good thing, though I prefer Alan Bennett (who published a new and, according to the critics, excellent new book last week – Untold Stories). Pinter’s work is masterly, yet repetitive. But he is a powerful playwrite and activist and his work did have a significant impact on the theatre. He also has cancer, which makes him frail and I guess the Nobel committee honoured him for his work “just in time”.

WEDDING NEWS

The wedding all went splendidly, despite the fact that James had his car broken into while at the hairdresser on the morning of the wedding. But the event itself was wonderful. Lena looked, well, stunning and James and Lena looked great as a couple.

The dinner and dance at the Royal Glenora was a great party – dancing till after midnight, good food and nice wine (Tinhorn Creek Pinot and Grey Monk Pinot Blanc) – Don Simpson and Dawn Ralph won the prize for most elegant dancing and they were on the floor from start to close to finish.

Nice presents. Lovely weather. All in all, the kid did good.

Michelle (Glyn’s lady) caught the bouquet – surprise, surprise – and her brother gets married this week-end, so the pressure is on!

A BIT OF CULTURE

I have been watching the series ROME on HBO (via Movie Central – Channel 55 on Shaw Cable) and am enjoying the sheer spectacle. Good acting and dialogue, believable plots and a real attempt to capture the spirit of the time. Despite the fact that there are a lot of English actors in toga’s sounding very English – HBO co-produced this 12 part series with the BBC – its good television.

Several good movies recently. Last night was Head in the Clouds with Charlize Theron, Penelope Cruze, Stuart Townsend (who is very good indeed) and others in a compassionate story set in the time of the Spanish civil war and World War 2. (There is an interesting cameo appearance of Steven Berkoff here as the father of the hedonistic Gilda – a part he plays with exceptional quality). Then on to the Kenneth Brannagh movie about FDR and polio – Warm Springs. Brannagh is convincing and does not overplay this part (as he did with Shackelton in my view, though others obviously thought differently). He is now working on a film version of The Magic Flute.


While mentioning FDR, Conrad Black's detailed and thorough account of his life is extremely well written and is a must read for those of us convinced that we need to know more about our past and the people who influenced it. I would recommend it.

I would not recommend a novel by Faye Kellerman, which I just finished – Straight into Darkness. Set in 1920’s Munich before Hitler assumes power following his election as Chancellor, it’s a murder story without much substance. Poorly written, dull and very little real character development – relies heavily on stereotypes. This is my first Faye Kellerman novel and probably my last. On her web site she says of this novel that it is “my attempt to understand the inconceivable” – well, she didn’t make it.

I am now reading a little pot boiler which shows more promise - Iris Johansen's Final Target - about the treatment of the President of the US's daughter. Its glup, but enjoyable. She has written twenty five books (and so have I by the way), so knows how to do this. Memorable amongst these is The Killing Game and Firestorm.

My son Glyn (who is not getting married just yet) is "into" Lost, the Amazing Race and other stuff on TV. His lady, Michelle, wanted to catch up on the new season of Oprah, so we have been recording these. He is welcome to her. She gets more ranting each week...

Ah well, back to the serious business of writing fiction.

Welcoming a New Daughter (in Law and in Fact)

One thing we can say here is that Lena is very beuatiful - and smart, and tough and well, just a great lady...proud to have her as part of the family (officially after the wedding this Saturday, October 8th).

EXTREME IRONING

One fascinating sport that is growing very fast is extreme ironing (EI) - an endurance sport. Don't believe me? Read on...

The sport was started in Leicester, East Midlands, England by resident Phil Shaw in his back yard. EI, however, is no longer localized to Great Britain. In June 1999, Shaw, who goes by the EI nickname "Steam", embarked on an international tour to promote the sport. The stops included the United States of America, Fiji, New Zealand, Australia and Southern Africa. An encounter with German tourists in New Zealand led to the founding of the Extreme Ironing Bureau, and the German Extreme Ironing Section or GEIS.

In September of 2002, the first World Championship for the sport took place in Valley, Germany, near Munich. Organized by the German Extreme Ironing Section, the 1st Extreme Ironing World Championships were considered a success, drawing international media attention. Competitors from Austria, Australia, Croatia, Chile, Germany, the UK and other countries participated. The competition included eighty different teams from ten different countries.
Since the sport's invention, there has been the formation of an alleged breakaway group, Urban Housework. This has been considered unethical by some Extreme Ironers, as it alters the environment, disrupting the natural decay of plant matter to help re-fertilize the earth.

A documentary, appropriately entitled Extreme Ironing, was filmed for Britain's Channel 4 in December 2002.

In 2003 the Rowenta Trophy was won by a group from South Africa by ironing across a gorge at the Wolfberg Cracks. Later that year, Phil Shaw brought out a book, also entitled Extreme Ironing (ISBN 1843305550). The following year saw the release of a dvd titled Ironing Under the Sky, which was produced by Hot Under the Collar Productions.

In 2004, the EIB traveled to the US on the Rowenta Tour to recruit additional ironists and ironed at Mount Rushmore, New York, Boston and Devil's Tower. The tour culminated in an interview nation-wide on Good Morning America.

EI has spawned other sports. Downhill vacuuming involves riding a vacuum cleaner down a slope or incline, the objective being to make the fastest time down a given track. There is also suburban mop-jousting, inner city clothes drying and apocalypse dishwashing.

So, next time you start ironing a shirt or vacuuming the stairs or mopping the kitchen floor, think "now where would I really like to be doing this!"

Immigration

Canada's birth rate declined 25% from 1980 to 1998. Sometime before 2025, “home grown” population growth will reach zero. Canada's economic well being will need to be fueled by an influx of skilled and able new citizens, at rates unmatched since the 1950’s. More than 200,000 immigrants arrive annually, and the Prime Minister recently announced that this number will rise by 100,000 - almost three times the U.S. rate on a per capita basis. This year, according to Statistics Canada, the proportion of "visible minorities" will rise to 16% of the national population, up from 12% in 1996. By 2016 the number will rise to 20%.

Immigration will become a major social issue, as many in Britain, Holland and Germany will testify. While most think of Canada as being good at managing diversity and think that we have a strong history of multiculturalism, the growth of immigration will challenge these assumptions. Diversity and multiculturalism only work as policies when immigrants represent a small portion of the population. When immigrants become the major source of economic growth, as they will, then the encouragement of diversity becomes the root of cultural politics.

What happens is this. Because we cherish diversity, we encourage the creation of cultural enclaves. In these enclaves immigrations from the same nationality “cluster”, share a language and build a cultural community which is vibrant, rich and all embracing. Newspapers, events and activities are all arranged in the language and style of the “back home” community. Soon, schools are created which teach in the language and within the culture of “back home”. It becomes possible to live in a country without speaking its language or engaging its culture, because the “home” culture is strong enough to support fast growing cultural communities.

Efforts are then made to secure separate legal rights – rights to such things as Shiri’a courts upholding a version of Islamic law – and differential access to employment, through quota’s allocated to ethnic groups. Race relations laws are then strengthened to protect diversity. What this then leads to is a strengthening of other legal rights to protect diversity – employment law, for example. In going down this path we weaken integration.

Given that, by 2020, we will have two people working for each person who is retired – down from four at the present time – there will be strains on our public services, especially health and education. There will also be demands for improved economic performance, especially given our near zero levels of productivity growth. Immigrants will take command of these issues and challenge the assumptions on which our current public systems are based. They will also gain more control of our economic affairs.

It is this that is at the heart of the debate. We should encourage and do all things possible to encourage and enable integration and give less emphasis to diversity, while respecting racial differences. This requires us to develop and strengthen our cultural institutions, systematically promote a strong sense of Canadian history and culture and focus on the development of language skills.

Integration is not a popular policy to pursue – liberals tend to think of it as patronising and it can be used as a blunt instrument. But why should we encourage the development of Muslim schools or Indian communities to develop an educational system for Hindu children? We need to systematically pursue integration while respecting religious and racial differences. It is a difficult challenge, but an issue we had better grasp soon.

Ronnie Barker

Ronnie Barker, co-star of the Two Ronnies (BBC TV) and genius behind Porridge and Open All Hours, has died aged 76 of heart related problems.

Tributes pour in. He was a gentle-man, great to work with and a gifted and talented comedy writer, submitting scripts under a psuedonym. For me, his all time great performance comes from his work in Open All Hours with David Jason (who went on to star in Only Fools and Horses as well as doing serious dramatic parts and has recently been knighted), where he played a northern shop keeper with a stutter who was infatuated with a district nurse. Some simply brilliant comedy material.

He also did something which I greatly admired. He retired at the top of his game and ran an antiques store in Stow on the Wold.

Here are some of his best lines:

From The Two Ronnies: The man who invented the zip fastener was today honoured with a lifetime peerage. He will now be known as the Lord of the Flies.

From The Two Ronnies: The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

From The Two Ronnies: The search for the man who terrorizes nudist camps with a bacon slicer goes on. Inspector Lemuel Jones had a tip-off this morning, but hopes to be back on duty tomorrow.

A sad day for those of us for whom laughter does more than Lipitor can ever do..

HOT NEWS! (Maybe)

It is a hot news day. Apart from the Bali Bombing and its aftermath, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) has settled its labour dispute and we will shortly return to mediocre programs, many involving the comely, giggly and ever fawning Shelagh Rogers or the dreadfully creepy and vaguely obnoxious Tetsuro Shigematsu. As for CBC TV, who cares.

Public broadcasting is in the process of reinvention. The BBC in the UK is placing all of its TV content on the internet, both in real time and archive. It already makes all radio programming available in real time, and many programs are archived.

The BBC is also a co-investor in manyspecialtyy commercial channels using its BBC Enterprises (and independent, for profit arm of the BBC) as the route to this. The BBC has thus become, as a part owner, the largest single route for ad placement on British television.

It is still the case that individuals who watch TV in the UK must purchase a television license - $23 a month for a colour license ($275 a year). It is still possible, by the way, to buy a black and white TV license, though I am not sure where on earth you would find a TV set that did not have colour. The black and white TV license fee is $95. Blind people get a 50% discount, but only if they buy the colour license (go figure!). Those over 75 years of age get their TV viewing for free. What this does is provide a direct connection between the viewing family and the provider of their public broadcasting service, since the BBC is the only recipient of license fee revenue.

Some people will go to great lengths to avoid paying this fee. My Auntie Nellie (now no longer with us, sadly) used yo hide her TV set in the oven (using the grill as an ariel) and sit by the kitchen door to watch TV. If anyone knocked on the door, she'd kick the oven door shut before answering. When she was inspected for a TV, they could hear one but couldnt find it. She simply told them that the walls were very thin due to age (they were around 16 inches thick in fact). Anyway, she never paid.

But the big news headline was in a Le Mesa (California) newspaper. Get this: CONCEALED WEAPON CHARGES AGAINST NUDE DANCER. Tough job being a cop in California.

Also, a court report had this exchange:

Lawyer: What is your brother in law's first name?

Witness: I can't remember.

Lawyer: He has been your brother in law for over fifteen years and you can't remember his first name?

Witness: No, I am too excited (gets up from chair and points to brother in law) Natahan! For God's sake, tell them your first name!!

Ah, the mystery of real people's interactions.

BETTING ON THE FUTURE

My friend at PaddyPower.Com and I chatted today. Things are hotting up.

First, Bono continues to have 1000:1 odds on being the person to succeed Pope Benedict, with Father Ted (from the TV series of this name) also attracting these same odds. More seriously, they have Cardinal Scola of Venice as 6:1 favourite. I think this is unlikely, and I would bet on a non Italian – probably, Latin American given what we now know about the voting the last time around. Jorge Mario Bergoglio of Argentina looks a possibility (currently with odds of 9:1). However, he is currently 69. If the Pope does 8-10 years, he will be too old. So I think this race looks open.

Other betting is going on who will be next Chairman of the Federal Reserve Bank in the US when Greenspan steps down. Favourite, according to Paddy Power, is Ben Bernanke (at 4-5). He is Chair, Council of Economic Advisors and the Howard Harrison and Gabrielle Snyder Beck Professor of Economics and Public Affairs at Princeton University and the Chairman of the Department of Economics. He is a macroeconomist with interests in monetary policy and macroeconomic history. He is the Director of the Monetary Economics Program of the National Bureau of Economics Research and the Editor of the American Economic Review. Since joining the Fed's Board of Governors in August 2002, he has been the focus of intense media scrutiny. In their search for an angle, the media frequently portray Bernanke as something of a maverick. One newspaper profile calls him the Fed's “resident free thinker”; a popular business magazine suggests he's a “firebrand” who shakes up the Fed by “pitching curves.” The adjective “outspoken” is often applied. Sounds like a good Bush like choice.

In terms of the leadership of the UK Conservative Party, assuming a big field, PaddyPower gives is to David Davis, a fellow Yorkshireman. They have him close but beating Ken Clark, with Liam Fox third and David Cameron fourth. (Interestingly, William Hague the former leader would do well if he ran, according to this source).

There are also bets on when Tony Blair will step down. While there was a fair bit of money on this year end (2005), most of the money has moved to 2007 when he will be amongst the longest serving PM’s and yet could step down to give the dour, and weak Gordon Brown a good couple of years before he had to go to the electorate – the betting is 7-4 in favour of 2007.

Given that Kate Moss has been sacked as the face of Burberry, you can also place bets on who will take over this socially critical role. Sienna Miller – actress, seen in the remake of Alfie - is front runner, with Keira Knightley (or twice Knightly, as some call her) – actress and beauty, seen in Pirates of the Caribbean - as a close second. If it were me, I’d plump for Maria Sharapova (16:1).

I don’t really know what makes me keep an eye on the betting, though as a futurist its always interesting to test what actually happens against what one thinks might happen. I don’t actually place bets – I went to school with someone who works there, so we chat – but apparently many (many) do.

CELEBRATING FEAR!

The World Health Organization is spreading fear. It is suggesting that a flu pandemic could kill up to 150 million people, despite the fact that there has not yet been a single case of bird flue being transmitted from one human to another. It did the same with SARS, claiming that it would kill 50 million – SARS actually killed less than 800 people. While we should take precautions against the pandemic threat, we shouldn’t be panicked by wild stories, whatever their source.

This is not the only example of wilful exaggeration or “puffery” shaping public policy and social behaviour. The threat from terrorism is another. Despite political rhetoric, deaths from terrorist attacks is actually in decline and has been for some time. Its is also the case that the number of armed conflicts in the world has been in steady decline for some time. Those that promote the idea of a growing, menacing threat are usually in pursuit of budgets, equipment or resources. Annual world military spending now stands well in excess of $1,000 billion (Canadian), of which at least 60 per cent is by NATO – countries with which Canada is in alliance. This is why approximately one in twelve of the world’s workers work in defence and security related industries – they have a lot at stake in promoting fear.

Another example is the threat of global warming. Allegedly caused by man-made greenhouse gases, global warming is usually presented as a gloomy catastrophe that will induce the mass extinction of animals and plants, epidemics of contagious and parasitic diseases, droughts and floods, and even invasions of mutated insects resistant to insecticides. Melting glaciers are predicted to raise sea level by 3.67 meters, flooding islands, densely inhabited coastal areas, and great metropolises. There will be mass migrations and a host of other social and environmental effects – always detrimental, never beneficial. We have to remember that a lot is at stake for these doom and gloom scientists. The amount spent on climate studies worldwide has now reached the astonishing level of about $5 billion per year. In North America alone, more than $2.5 billion is spent annually for climate studies, not including the costs of satellites, ships, and laboratory construction. Climatologists have obtained this immense amount of funding by creating the vision of a man-made planetary climate catastrophe. According to one American climatologist, the "scare-them-to-death" approach seems to be the best way to get money for climate studies. Dr. Stephen Schneider, a leading prophet of man-made climate warming (who used to suggest that we were facing a new ice age), stated this bluntly: "To capture the public imagination... we have to... make simplified dramatic statements, and little mention of any doubts one might have.... Each of us has to decide the right balance between being effective and being honest". So much for the scientist as an objective observer. The fact is that we don’t know if global warming is occurring and, if it is, what is really causing it. There is no scientific consensus – science doesn’t work by voting.

One last example. It is often reported that one in four women will experience rape in their lifetime. Just one incident of rape is too many, but one in four is a very big number. The real number is much lower, depending on the definition of rape used. Most scientific analysis suggests it is nearer 1 in 20 – a very different figure, but any number above zero is unacceptable. The data also shows that there are significant regional and ethnic variations in the incidence rate, but the 1 in 4 number keeps on appearing despite the fact that it cannot be justified. Fear again - this time to support the work of feminist organizations, police, and related support services.

We seem to have forgotten Paul Ehrlich’s 1960s’ prophecy that a population explosion would lead to starvation in America by the end of the 1990s. We have forgotten Thomas Malthus’s 1790s’ predictions that European famine was an absolute certainty. We have forgotten all those pundits claiming that the world would experience prolonged and serious disruption, starting on January 1, 2000, as the millennium bug struck.

We seem to like fear and doubt and uncertainty more than we like truth.

The Business of the Wedding

When I got married, we had a small dinner just the two of us to celebrate our engagement. I had a stag night, we had the wedding and a wedding dinner for around thirty and then we went on honeymoon to the Lake District, where it rained for days. There was also a short time between engagement and wedding – I was just coming up to 19 (in 1970) and had to get back to University by late September.

Now, it’s a massive marketing game. So far, as far as I can tell, there has been a stag, a “stagette” and a shower (involving gifts as good as wedding gifts). There is to be a rehearsal with dinner for 30 on Thursday, wedding on Saturday with dinner for around 135 and then a present opening the next day for the wedding presents.

The attempts to rip off the couple have been remarkable – one hotel wanted $50/bottle corkage and $10/head to cut a cake. It will be wonderful, but it seems to be an awful long time since the lovely couple got engaged. Ah well, guess I better get used to it. Another one will occur sometime soon.

The Happy Couple, Who I think are Just Great!
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I actually used to look like this...the younger one of the two is my son James, who gets married shortly... I cant understand why Lynne didnt demand a face shave or that my colleagues at the Open University didnt insist on me looking decent....ah well...
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What Hope for Ulster ?

A version of this piece will appear in The Edmonton Journal on Thursday, 29th September 2005

Anyone who thinks that peace will now be the norm in Northern Ireland is mistaken.

The complex battle for Ulster, as Northern Ireland is known, will continue for many years. While the IRA has given up some weapons (we are not sure how comprehensive their recent decommissioning really is, since all observers were chosen by the IRA), not all Republicans are IRA supporters and many of the republican splinter groups will continue to use all means, including violence, to achieve the unification of Ireland.

So called “loyalist” groups – no one seems sure what or to whom they are now loyal to, since it’s the Queen’s own regiments that have been fighting them for these last thirty six years – continue to battle both the Republicans and each other. In mid September, loyalists groups battled with each other and Republicans over the routing of a traditional loyalist march at Whiterock, sparking the worst riots in Northern Ireland for many years.

While the Blair government continue to speak of peace and the peace process for Ulster, it feels similar to the peace process in Iraq. Institutions have been created which many do not want and which are currently suspended due to the criminal behaviour of the Republicans and the reluctance of the Democratic Unionist Party to collaborate with “terrorists”. Fighting, whether real or verbal, covers the gamut from policing, the constitution, and the nature of democratic institutions. At the heart of these fights are fundamentalists views about Ireland and the role of ideology.

There are signs of a worsening situation everywhere. Ten years ago there were 21 so-called “peace walls” – barriers between communities aimed at reducing tension, rather like the wall Israel is building around itself to separate itself from the Palestinians. There are now over 60 “peace walls”. Ten years ago, the issue was Ireland and its future. Now the issue is partly about supporting the criminal activities of gangs (drugs, prostitution, identity theft) so as to sustain the lifestyle of many gang members. The lack of trust between players is worse now than it has been for some time, especially given that Ulster is ruled directly from Whitehall by former apartheid campaigner, Secretary of State for Northern Ireland Peter Hain.

The US Special Envoy to Ireland, Michael Rees, is pessimistic about Ulster. He notes the lack of courageous and creative leadership on all sides. Other observers note that the lack of real equitable economic growth in Ulster as compared to Ireland is also a source of tension, with many of the “new” poor being protestant unionists. The growing poverty of traditional loyalist areas is increasing their sense of alienation.

There is no solution to Ulster. The world needs to get used to the idea that on an island at the edge of Europe there is a battle going on that is largely being “managed” but not resolved. As one writer has said recently “don’t expect to understand Northern Ireland, because you won’t: simply remember that you are manacled to this ranting, gibbering lunatic for ever”. He may well be right.

The Zen of Fly Fishing

I have just returned from a five day fishing trip to Dee Lake Resort in BC (between Kelowna and Vernon). I went with Mike Hogan and his father in law John Cotton - John has been doing this exact same trip for 30 years and his best friend is interred in the lake.

Fly fishing is demanding, physically and mentally. We were on the lake for 7-8 hours a day and casting is a continuous activity - right arm and wrist under pressure to deliver a fly accurately and on line every minute or two. In a typical day, I would make close to 500+ casts. You get in the zone and it becomes a Zen like experience. Powerful. It also takes a lot of concentration and patience. On the last day, for example, we caught three fish between us in the first hour, then zero for the next six hours and then 10 fish in the last thirty to forty minutes, some of them very big.

Needless to say, it was a lot of fun. Basic living - simple cooking, good company, hard work - and a stunning place to be.

Made coming back to complete the basics for the acquisition of the Innovation Expedition seem like a natural and easier thing to do! So its done with my new business partners, Tom and Keith.

Dee Lake - Great Fishing in Great Company..
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WALKERS and SYMPHONIES

I had a book idea today. Sixteen Walkers - looking at the lives led by sixteen people who turn up each Sunday to walk with a walking club. We were members of the Ramblers in Harrogate for the time we lived there (1998-2003) and have been members of the Weskahagen Trail Association here in Edmonton since our return.

Walking clubs are full of characters. In Harrogate we have Ted, the best dressed man who would do a 15 mile hike in a sports jacket, waistcote, shirt and tie with improvised leggins made from old socks. There is Sally, a complete fruit cake in our current club who harasses everyone about the big ideas of the world - Iraq, Iran, Germany - and then forgets her lunch. Stan, who is 80, and always has a chain saw with him in case he comes across a fallen tree.

These people - full of richness and texture - lead lives which are very diverse - a shop worker from Sobeys mixing with a family therapist and a University of Alberta Professor (who is shown up time and time again by the guy from Sobey's) or the prison educator who could charm a duck out of water.

I dont think Sixteen Walkers would be a best seller, but it keeps me coming back for 10-15km walks, such as the one we finished today.

Concert last night with our new conductor with the Edmonton Symphony - largely enjoyable Respeighi and Beethoven, but a dreadful piece by Copeland - Symphony for Organ and Orchestra.

Edmonton symphony goers stand up to applaud everything. We dont. We get dissed for not standing up to celebrate excellence. This concert, for example, was OK - nothing outstanding about it, good playing of the Beethoven (except for the Principal violinist of the orchestra, who was timid when he needed to be bold and is awkward as a solo performer), but the rest was avereage. Why we should leap to our feet every time anyone just tries, I dont know.

Very Bad Language

One of our local radio stations - 630CHED - provides a service which offers "guaranteed weather". I am not sure what happens if they get it wrong - I assume we all can then ask them not to broadcast something, like Elton John or Planet Zorro, but it seems to me an interesting use of the language.

Another use of the language which is both interesting and annoying is the use of the term "antiquing" as in "I think I will go antiquing today" - when a person intends to visit several antique shops and possibly buy some old knick knack. An equally offensive term is "malling", conveying the intention to shop at one or more shopping malls (Edmonton, my home, has one of the world's largest shopping malls - West Edmonton Mall).

These kinds of usage are common here. There was a recent BBC radio program involving some Australian english scholar - Profesor Kate Burridge of Monash University - which suggested that these kinds of developments are part of the natural evolution of the language. Well, I am sorry to say that I dont think they are.

Lets go further. Young people have a habit of saying "you know" as a breath taker when speaking, as in "then Jack said, you know, that he wanted to go antiquing, you know, but I said well, you know, I'd rather go malling". I dont like this.

Nor do I like it when people dont even try to make the "th" sound for such words like "bother" (becomes bovver) or "think" (becomes "fink"). As a Yorkshireman, my abilities with the english language seem genetically limited, but at least the sound "th" seems manageable to me.

Another word that gets some attention these days is "innit", in widespread use amongst the young and ungainly. It used in different ways, as in "'ey, good thing what England won the ashes innit" and "it aint right innit". Nor do I like "or sumfing", which British teenagers use a lot.

I guess this is another indication that I am getting old. I'll be complaining about the music next - too loud and cant make out the lyrics.

At Last - Someone Realises a Truth!
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Apres le deluge
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Late Breaking News!

James has recovered. Glyn, who was missing in action for a period, has returned. All is well with the Murgatroyd's.

Further embarassment for James, however. He was tucked up in bed by around 1145. Lena, who thought the stag would last for ever, got back home LATER than James.

I wonder if this will ever be lived down!

MY SONS STAG DAY - MORE AT ELEVEN!

When I got married, we had a stag night which was basically six guys out at a pub (in my case, the Kings Arms on Emm Lane, Heaton opposite the school I went to), getting p'eyed and becoming more and more morose as the evening went on. The bad news about my stag was that it was the night before the wedding - we got married on a Sunday - and people in the pub, realising that I was about to get hitched, kept adding shooters to the beer. The short and even shorter of this is that I was being walked around a field near home at 5.30am in the morning by my best man, Peter Sherlock, in the hope of sobering me up for the wedding later that day.

My son James stag - 35 years after mine - was an altogether bolder affair. It began with Paint Balling at Gibbons (Alberta), which was great fun. 8 of us teamed up for this, my first experience of this gaming activity, and we all agreed it was a great few hours.

Then on to the Black Dog on Whyte Avenue for a few pre dinner drinks. Then a five course meal at Packrat Louies - lemon pizzas and a trout platter, duck confit salad, rabbit a la Loire, Beef Bourgogne, Creme Caramel - and excellent it was too. There were about 14 of us, and it was a very nice, quiet evening. Well..

Until, that is, James was given his task list. Here it is:

• Secure a pair of panties from a member of the female species (comprimise we accepted was a bra from one of the Packrat team - no, it wasn't Peter)
• Secure a phone number from a girl (done)
• Get a kiss from a woman older than his mother
• Drink a shot with all of his mates (Packrat supplied a shot for all of us - Tequila with Lime, though Glyn had to drink James' - see below)
• Needs to dance with two girls at the same time
• Needs to go up to the hottest girl at the bar and get "dissed" (I think he may have misread dissed...see below)
• Do a hooter shooter (no, not a shot taken from between a bar tenders bosoms, but 1.5 of Vodka, 1.5 of Rose's Sweetened Lime Juice and 1 dash of Raspberry Liquor, ice, shake..)

Sounds pretty straightforward to me, and much better than Colin who had to wear a wedding dress for the day of his stag and the next day (a normal work day at the office - fortunately he is a lawyer, so no one saw anything odd about it at all). Sadly, however, James pegged out at around 11pm - couldn't hold the drink, did some pavement pizza and was transported home by laser beam (a.k.a. as taxi). Glyn and I, as the Murgatroyds, had to cover. I managed to get dissed.. not sure how Glyn is doing on the rest of the list!

So imagine this - my oldest son isnt there at the end of the stag, but I am! Is this a record I ask?

By the way, I strongly recommend paintballing as a team building activity - fun, element of danger, strategy needed to win, bruises give evidence of bonding.

Can You Remember..

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2040 there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

10 Most Annoying Things..

Here is my current list of the things that drive me "nuts". While the list looks like its in order, it isn't. Written as they come to me.

1. Rickard's Red TV Commercial using "O Fortuna" - this is the ad from hell. It drives me completely nuts - in part because the beer isn't up to much (its from Molson, what would I expect) but worse it engages in musical abuse - abusing the words of a very fine piece of music. Well, I assume it does, since you cant actually hear them after the first few bars.

2. The Public Understanding of Canadian Health Care - it is impossible to have a rationale discussion about health care, since most don't know what actually happens in the system and speak of it as if it were a completely private system, which it isn't and never has been.

3. Films which Stop Without an Ending - these are usually French and just kind of finish without any conclusion, resolution or plot satisfying close.

4. Coffee that Tastes Likedishwasher water - most love Tim Horton's coffee, I don't.

5. Home Depot Tool Department Staff - if you just want a screw (metal), they always try and sell you a $500 tool that will help you screw this into the wall. I just want the bloody screw.

6. Screwdriver Designs - there are at least three kinds of screwdriver - Phillips, that square pants bob thing and a flat head screwdriver. Why ?

7. Poor Quality Customer Service - its getting worse. My builder Colin is the worst - we are now on the 3rd year of waiting for him to finish a job - but its becoming a pandemic. The motto "we're not happy till you're not happy", which used to be the exclusive domain of Air Canada, now seems to have been adopted by many organizations.

8. Sanctimonious Celebrities - commenting in depth (hm..) on Africa, poverty, New Orleans...I dont mind Julia Roberts and John Travolta doing their bit to help out in New Orleans, that's fine. Its when they start talking about Africa and poverty and what needs to be done that I get my joint out of my nose (or is it my nose out of joint).

9. CBC Television - I simply just dont see the point of things like the local CBC news, which has less than 6000 viewers. In fact, less than 10% of Canadian's polled "miss" CBC during the current strike. (Dont you find it amazing that, having got close to $1b of our money, no one from the federal Government is stepping in to get the strikers back together. They should be asking the CBC to rebate the Government for a failure to deliver a lousy TV service).

10. "Light" Newspaper Coverage - as a journalist myself, I need to be careful here. But I do miss in depth, analytic, critical newspapers such as The Daily Telegraph (which I still read online) or The Guardian (which is worth reading just for the printmisses - a.k.a. as misprints). We do get some in depth pieces from time to time, but the critical perspective permeates the DT and TG in a way it doesnt in our news here. There is this bullshit that "journalists shouldnt get in the way of the news" - well, there is no "news" other than that which a journalist choses to make news.

11. Not Integrating the GST with the Price of a Good or Service - this does drive me and most of my visitors from around the world nuts. You never know what the price at the till will be, since we dont integrate the GST into the price of an item (except for gas at the pump). Do people think that the GST may be repealed and we can just forget it - zero chance.

12. People who cant count to 10! - oops.

Getting Going

Saw one of the most dreadful films of all time this last week-end - The Assasination of Richard Nixon with Sean Penn. A pretentious, slow and poorly written film. A case study of method acting (Penn) without a purpose. If you have your wits about you, you'll give it a miss.

Speaking about having our wits about us, went for a 16.5km walk in Elk Island Park (lovely, by the way) and came upon a Wood buffalo chewing the cud right on the path. They are big buggers and can turn nasty. While normally they walk at about a mile a week, when angry they can travel a lot of distance in a very very short time. So, after a wait, we went around it through the woods. I kept thinking of Churchill's phrase "whatever happens, KBO" - keep buggering on!

Been watching Rome - an HBO/BBC joint venture (along with an Italian company). High production values and lots of tits and arse - should sell well. All of the Roman's have Oxford accents, except for the bad guys who appear to be from Cambridge. Gives new meaning to the phrase "up Pompeii".

Not many good films about, though I am looking forward to Ladies in Lavender - Judi Dench.

Finally killed Mr. Chan. It was easy. Mr Chan is the name associated with my phone number as far as Safeway is concerned. Each time I wanted to get my Safeway Card recognition - lower priced goods and now cash against gas buys - they had me down as Mr Chan. Glyn finally arranged for the death of Mr Chan (Glynworks at Safeway pending his move to the US as an occupational therapist).

Back to work on the book...

Leadership for Alberta - The Murgatroyd Manifesto

Steve Murgatroyd’s Alberta Manifesto

(Imagine me as a candidate for the Premiership of Alberta. Here is a draft manifesto. Any comments welcome)

Alberta is already a great place to live, work and visit. We want to make it better yet, we want to make Alberta a model society for the twenty first century.


The Key Ingredients

A New democracy in Alberta – smaller government, more engaged government, more focused government and a fiscally sound government
Outstanding lifelong education – the highest quality education with the most support for learners anywhere in Canada
Sustainable health care – the most comprehensive provision of health services in Canada
A Strong, Growing, Innovative and Diverse Economy – helping companies and communities develop
Sustainable and Safe Communities – taking care of our environment and natural resources
Intelligent Infrastructure – supporting all of our needs for transport, communication and connectivity
Efficient and Effective Government – managing your resources intelligently, effectively and with concern for value

Alberta needs to be a society which cares for its people, its environment and its future.

Building Democracy

Our institutions were built in the nineteenth century and developed in the twentieth century. They were built before powerful and effective media communications, technology and transportation. They were built before a global economy. We need to change them. We need to use twenty first century democracy.

A Murgatroyd administration will:

• Restore the role of the legislature as a place where real debate, decision and scrutiny takes place and is a model for new kinds of democratic processes.
  
• We will harness the methods of e-democracy and community engagement to involve citizens in policy development.
  
• We will change the role of Standing Policy Committees to be cross-party committees of the House (Select Committees) supported by expert panels charged with scrutinising policy options and holding Ministers accountable.
  
• As conservatives, we don’t believe in big Government. We will reduce the number of Ministries from the current 23 to 15 and hold the expenditure on public servants constant for three years. We will have a smaller cabinet, faster decision making and balance effectiveness with efficiency.
  
• We will reshape the relationship between the Province and Municipalities, recognizing the growing importance of cities.
  
• We will privatize several functions of government, reduce bureaucracy and remove regulations that get in the way of Alberta’s strategy for its future.
  
  
  Lifelong Education
  
  Key to the future of Alberta is knowledge. Key to the effective use and development of knowledge is learning. All aspects of our society benefit from a well educated workforce. Such a workforce supports economic development, health and wellness, sustainability and families.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will:
  
  
• Provide support for day care through tax credits, including home based care, based on best practice benchmarks for every child in Alberta
• Provide quality primary education, with class sizes of 1:18 and appropriate support for special needs and home schooling
• Encourage the further development of charter schools
• Strengthen middle and high school education by a strong focus on a changed experience for students, the appropriate use of technology, the development of project based curriculum and a rethink of teacher education and professional development for teachers
• Expanding post-secondary education through the expansion of e-learning for both College level and University level education, increasing the number of places available in community colleges and our polytechnic institutes and expanding degree availability, especially in the North
• Create an integrated learning system for aboriginal peoples, building on the strengths of the existing investments and adding to these
• Significant expansion and modernization of apprenticeship education, leveraging more strongly the resources of industry and the use of advanced learning technologies
• Providing tax credits for learning investments made by Albertans in their education
• Increasing the range and value of scholarships available to Albertans seeking to pursue their education in Alberta
• Encouraging the expansion of private post secondary education in Alberta
  
  These steps will increase access to relevant, quality education while at the same time creating sustainable educational systems.
  
  
  A Healthy Community
  
  Conservatives believe in choice, effective and efficient services and in putting people first. In health care, the debate is not about “public” or “private”, but about access, quality of care and effectiveness of our services, both to promote wellness and healthy lifestyles as well as for the care of those experiencing illness.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will promote wellness by:
  
  
• Increasing expenditure on quality school meals at lunchtime for primary school children – helping develop good dietary habits and healthy eating while at the same time aiding learning
• Increase the daily level of physical activity for all attending schools in Alberta to 45 minutes a day of activity
• Increase public support for Alberta sports organizations
• Ban smoking in all public places in Alberta so as to further reduce the level of smoking related disease
• Ban the use of cell phones while driving so as to reduce the number of vehicle accidents
  
  To respond to health care needs, a Murgatroyd administration will:
  
  
• Permit tax free health accounts (similar to RRSP’s) for Alberta residents which they may use to either buy health insurance or health services from any jurisdiction outside of Alberta
• Freeze health care spending at 40% of the Provincial budget and require the Health Regions to achieve performance targets for wait times and access to services – focusing on the effective management of scarce resources
• Abolish the health premium for all Albertans and increase Provincial taxation by 1% to recover this loss of income
• Create public:private partnerships for the delivery of hip replacements, cataract surgery and other services designated from time to time as appropriate for lean “agile” care services
• Use public:private partnership for the capital expansion programs of health regions
• Enhance the role of nurse practitioners and midwives in terms of a range of health care services
  
  
  
  A Strong, Growing, Innovative Economy
  
  For many years to come, Alberta will have a strong economy based on agriculture, oil, gas, fibre and related services. We will ensure that we invest in innovative research and development activities in partnership with industry that continuously improves the return to Alberta from these sectors while at the same time making these industries more sustainable, lowering the impact of their development on the environment.
  
  But there is a need to encourage and stimulate other sectors of the economy.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will:
  
  
• Support innovation at Alberta Treasury Branches for new financial instruments to support the transfer of ownership of small and medium enterprises – essential, as one generation of owners retires and another succeeds
• Increase support for private sector investment in R&D and find new incentives for small and medium enterprises to make such investments
• Encourage public:private partnerships for R&D in Alberta, especially in Universities
• Require all Government of Alberta departments to award 10% of all contracts to SME’s in Alberta using a fast track competitive bidding process
• Refocus the work of the Alberta Science and Research Authority as a policy advisory group for Government and Industry at arms length from Government
• Partner closely with the Federal government so as to better leverage their investments in Alberta innovation, science and research
• Create effective sector councils for established and emerging industries so as to promote effective industry clusters, knowledge sharing and joint ventures and strong representation of their learning and economic development needs
• Invest in the development of the Alberta:China, Alberta:India and Alberta:Americas Councils to promote trade amongst the fastest growing economies in the world and Alberta
• Reduce the number of “made in Alberta” regulations affecting business operations
• Provide free to all Alberta registered businesses e-learning services for basic skills
• Support an Alberta Futures Foundation which will be challenged to look at Alberta 25 years ahead and keep the future trends in the minds of all Albertans
• Increase our investment in Alberta Energy Research Institute and Energy INet, Alberta Ingenuity Fund, ICT Institute and the Alberta Research Council
• Significantly reduce the role of Alberta Economic Development and reinvest these resources in regional economic development activity – bringing support closer to business
  
  Sustainable and Safe Communities
  
  As more people move to cities and our cities expand, there is a need to ensure that cities have the resources they need to support their communities and that rural Alberta doesn’t get left behind.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will
  
• Create a task force on Reinventing Government with the aim of devolving functions and resources to municipalities, changing the role of the Provincial government to one of steering rather than controlling and strengthening the work of cities and rural municipalities – the task force to report within 100 days of the Murgatroyd administration taking office
• Work with aboriginal communities to resolve all remaining land, resource and governance issues in partnership with the Federal Government within one year of a Murgatroydadministration taking office
• Invest in the task of environmental clean-up (land and water) and work to ensure Alberta has the best record in North America for effective environmental management practices
• Partner with industry and research organizations world-wide to reduce greenhouse gas emissions, lower energy use and conserve natural resources while at the same time securing strong economic growth for Alberta
• Require all houses built to comply to the highest standards of energy and water efficiency
• Require all businesses operating in Alberta to include in their quarterly and Annual reports, reports on their efforts to meet environmental standards for water use, energy use, greenhouse gas emission reduction and other items requiring reporting from time to time
• Increase the number of police officers by 250 by 2010 able to work to prevent and solve crimes, to be deployed in the most effective way community by community
• Review all laws relating to drugs and gang activity and strengthen the powers of the police and others to act
  
  
  
  
  
  Intelligent Infrastructure
  
  In the twentieth century, the primary infrastructure Governments were expected to provide were roads, schools, hospitals and support for community facilities. While these remain important, Alberta has additional needs for the twenty first century.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will:

• Invest in a high-speed train between Edmonton and Calgary aimed at reducing the rate of growth of vehicle traffic on Highway 2 and providing an environmentally sound, low cost form of transport between Alberta’s two principal cities
• Place tolls on Highway 2 aimed at encouraging the use of rail, bus or air travel
• Encourage the adoption of access tolls to the major downtown areas of Edmonton and Calgary to encourage the use of public transport
• Make broadband access available to every community in Alberta through wireless networks – Supernet2
• Provide tax incentives for every household to purchase one new computer every three years
• Require the building code to ensure that all houses and buildings erected in Alberta from January 2006 have wireless broadband access as part of their design
• 80% of all Alberta Government services will be available online by 2010
  
  
  Efficient and Effective Government
  
  A new Premier leading a new Government needs to focus the work of that Government on some core values – engagement, service, efficiency and effectiveness will be the operational hallmarks of a Murgatroyd administration.
  
  We have already outlined some changes to the structure of Government – fewer Departments, less regulation, more devolution, faster decision making. Now we need to ensure that the Government does what it says it will do.
  
  A Murgatroyd administration will:
  
  
• While investing in Alberta, offer balanced budgets
• Provide value added audits and performance audits from the Auditor General

Provide strong scrutiny of Government performance through Select Committees and expert panels of the House


Other Matters

Policy is important and Albertans want a stronger level of transparency about policy development and a greater degree of trust in the work of Government. A Murgatroyd administration will:

• Ensure that Alberta is first amongst all Provinces in access to information
• Ensure that Alberta is first amongst Provinces in access to health and education and in per capita spending on education
• Ensure that “quality”, “service” and “respect” are hallmarks of the work of the Alberta Government
  

What is needed most in Alberta is a spirit of “can do”, “will do” and “are doing” – we will lead, we will innovate, we will continuously change. We will live the spirit of Alberta as a pioneer Province.

King for a Day (or More..)

The King of Swaziland, King Mswati III (the last absolute monarch in the world), held the annual ceremony yesterday to chose his next wife - he has married eleven so far, has 27 children and also has three women in line for marriage. So his next wife will be his 15th. Some 50,000 topless teenage and young women danced for him trying to catch his eye.

His father, King Sobhuza II, had more than seventy wives when he died in 1982.

I cant help but think that this is a lot of mother in laws. The way the marriage arrangement goes now, that's a lot of stagettes, stag nights, showers and room rentals too. They must do things differently in Africa.

There is a bit of a fuss about all of this. The King lives in luxury, each of his Queens has been given a Royal Palace and a decent BMW and is kept well. Meanwhile, the country is poverty stricken - 40% unemployment and 70% live on less than $1US a day.

Worse, at least according to some commentators, the King has forsworn democracy - rejecting a constitution which would have made him a constitutional monarch rather than an absolute ruler - as well as ejecting the speaker from the Parliament.

The King was educated in Britain, I guess he learned all about this when he studied the British civil war, Cromwell and all of that.

It is interesting that we continue to have a feudal society in the twenty first century. Where is the UN when you need them ?

The Future Isn't What it Used to Be!

As we celebrate Alberta’s centennial, we look forward as well as back. In our futures thinking, we make assumptions. One key assumption we should make is that many aspects of the future will not simply be a continuation of the past.

Some things will be “more of the same” twenty five years from now. We will not have dealt with the health care issue, which will be “solved” not with money but with imagination, focused management and increased responsibility on the individual for their own health. We will not have taken sufficient steps to resolve global warming, if it remains an issue – we simply are unwilling to face up to our environmental responsibilities until the planet finally demands this of us. We will continue to have growing rates of crime; ever increasing numbers of road deaths; shortages of political courage to do the right thing, whether its popular or not. These trends will continue. It will also be the case in 2030 that popular music will be “too loud” and parents will not understand the lyrics.

But there will be other things that will not be like the past. First, the US will no longer be the only major power – China and India will seek their place alongside the US as significant influencers globally, and they will be the major players in Asia. This will impact not just trade, but also security. Second, there will be a growing decline in Canada’s status in the world, as other countries – notably Mexico, Brazil, Russia and South Africa – emerge as major players through their strengthened economies and focused strategies for regional political influence. Third, our political systems will be so strained by the social demands upon them, that we will reinvent the political structure of Canada, rebalancing the roles of the three levels of Government, with municipalities becoming as important as Provinces as more and more powers are devolved from an ailing Federal system.

Other things will be significantly different too: complex tax systems will be replaced by flat taxes; oil products will be purchased through personal carbon credits; educational credits will attract significant tax relief; paper money and coins will be replaced by plastic; most major highways will be toll highways; instant global communications will replace many current forms of radio and television broadcasting; immigration will be a substantive fact of Canadian life, with over 30% of the population being recent immigrations (within the last 10 years) by 2050.

In Alberta, we will be experiencing the best of the oil boom, but will be becoming increasingly concerned about water supply and environmental quality, especially in the south. We will be challenged to find non natural resource work for our recent graduates and the partners of immigrants, since our technology sector will be exceptionally weak by 2030. We will be struggling with environmental clean up issues, which we should really have tackled back in 2005 before they became so serious as to affect communities and force relocation. Our aboriginal friends and colleagues will be becoming increasingly militant, since we will have continued to fail to resolve their land and governance issues. There will be significant disruptions to our weather patterns.

Of course, much of this is speculation. So were the ideas which shaped the internet, breakthroughs in medicine or space exploration. No one can safely predict 2030 or beyond. Yogi Berra, the sage of baseball, noted once that “you have to be very careful if you don’t know where you’re going – you might not get there!”.

What we now need to do is focus our energies on the future Alberta wishes to create, rather than letting the future hit us like a force five hurricane. It will do so, unless we harness the imagination and skills of Albertan’s to explore the future and shape it.

A Bad Few Weeks for Britain..

It has been an unusually sombre British summer in political circles. First, Robin Cook died unexpectedly whilst walking in Scotland. Cook, a former Foreign Secretary and Leader of the House who resigned from the Blair team over Iraq, was widely tipped to be the Deputy Leader under Brown. More significantly, he could think.

Then, just a couple of weeks later, Mo Mowlam - former Northern Ireland Secretary - died of cancer. She had been fighting this for years, including her time as a Minister. She was feisty, popular, pragmatic (not an intellectual) and street smart.

Today, Gerry Fitt (Lord Fitt), founder of the SDLP in Northern Ireland, died of a long illness. He was also a street fighter, but this time in the cause of nationalism in Ireland with a socialist bent. Pugnacious, passionate, persistent and challenging, Gerry Fitt put a solid face on Irish politics at a time when all around was violent (SDLP was founded in 1970 at the height of "the troubles").

As Lady Bracknell may say, "to lose one is unfortunate, but three...".

It is surprising to me that there is not more political ideological conversation - these three pushed this conversation and I for one will miss them.

Cell Phones for Pets..

There is a company in Canada (and the US, of course) marketing a cell phone for pets - see http://www.petsmobility.com/.

Owners can call and talk to their pet ("Hi, how yer doin...had a good day?") or use GPS to find out just where they are right now ("Oi, how many times have I told you not to crap in that nice Mrs Minotff's back garden, Rover..").

Using this technology, another company is marketing games for pets - two barks and you move onto the next level.

I dont know where all this will end, but badly is my guess. I can just see dogs gathering to swap phones and annoy the hell out of their owners...

Its Glyn's Birthday - he'll be off to live and work in Oregon soon....ah well...
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Family Fortunes

This is a genuine interaction on this (dreadful) game show...

Host: Apart from doors, we asked 100 people to name something that people open?

Contestant: Bowels..

Or this from the Scottish Sunday Mail: "The most frightening thing about AIDS is that it can be spread by normal sex between men and women. This is still rare in Scotland."

Or this from BBC Breakfast just a few weeks ago when I was in London

Newscaster: What can you tell us about MI5's involvement in all of this?

Reporter: Not a lot. They are a very secret organization.

But my pick of the week, seen today on the Students Union Noticeboard in a building at the University of Alberta this afternoon:

Low Self Esteem Group will Meet THURSDAY at 7pm - Please Use the Back Door.

- things like this just make your day don’t they..

This is the platform of Britain's Monster Raving Looney political party, which has stood at every General election since 1960's...

• Refusing to sign up to the euro, but inviting the rest of Europe to join the pound.
• Drivers can go straight over a roundabout when there's no traffic coming "to make driving through Milton Keynes more fun".
• Traffic cops "too stupid" for normal police work to be retrained as vicars.
• Withdrawal of MPs' expenses allowance, and the money "in future be distributed to the poor and needy so that they can waste it instead."
• Any MP whose constituency sells off a school playing field for development will be required to relinquish their own back garden as a replacement sports facility for the school.
  All highways to become massive cycle tracks instead (even the Green Party has never dared go so far on an environmental pledge)
• All speed cameras will be abolished and replaced by a new device fitted to cars which will automatically slow down to the speed limit when driven though an infra-red beam.
• Introduction of a 99p coin to save on change.

Their point is that their policies are no more absurd than anyone else's. Maybe they are right! My personal favourite was that we should "get rid of the environment, it's too big and difficult to keep clean!"

Unfolding Universe

Back from vacation and starting to get back into the flow..

Business development all week - two possible projects in the UK, four possible projecs here and several writing opportunities. Each day I focus on one opportunity target and one task and try and do my best to win a piece of the action. It is an interesting process and it is surprising how small achievements - like my placement of a good article (1000 words) on China (see below) - make you feel.

Had some fun cooking this week - which has become a kind of Italian week. Lynne was away picking up a cold in Calgary, so Glyn and I were at home. Nice.

Task for the day: finish writing the policy section of the piece with Alan Cornford on the state of innovation in Western Canada...