My Bid for the Liberal Leadership

I am considering running for the leadership of the Liberal Party of Canada. It’s just one option – I may also look closely at the coming race for the Premier of Alberta or the race to succeed Pat Quinn at the Toronto Maple Leafs. Difficult choices.

I have strong qualifications. I have lived in Canada for at least eighteen months – more than some candidates for the Liberal leadership. I have imagination, but I am sure I can soon learn to curb it. I have strong communication skills, though I understand that this is not a particular asset for the Liberal leadership race. I understand many of the key issues and can set up to five priorities at a time, which always sounds convincing, even if limited and not entirely true. I used to have a sense of humour until a combination of high gas prices and trying to buy goods at The Bay knocked it out of me. I have a high regard for democracy.

Reading this last paragraph again, I see my attributes rule me out of running for the leadership of the Alberta Progressive Conservatives, who increasingly have scant regard for democracy, scorn effective leadership and have no priorities. So that’s it. It has to be the Liberals.

I understand that the key issue in the Liberal leadership campaign will be finding someone who is eligible to vote who is not also a candidate. This is often a problem, especially in small towns and decaying political parties. My solution – persuade the Liberals to join with the Green Party to form the Griberal’s or Libereen’s. We would then have to adopt an environmental policy. I have always favored the idea that we should get rid of the environment – it’s too big and difficult to keep clean. I suspect, however, that we will support Kyoto, though we will also follow our last thirteen years of focused government by not actually doing anything.

Another key issue will be our attitude towards the US. It is clear that we have the upper hand. We have infiltrated their entertainment system and can quickly pull the plug on key game shows, news programs and hit TV series.. We should use this power for good, and demand an immediate settlement of the soft wood lumber dispute as a condition of Kiefer Sutherland’s contract for the next three series of 24.

Our policy towards health care should be simple. Sick people should be made to join the NDP. Once there, we can demand that the NDP have a clear policy for health care, since most of those in need of it are their members. People needing hospital treatment could then follow Jack Layton’s example and attend a private clinic.

On gas prices, I think we should all be subsidized to own a hybrid vehicle. I borrowed one from a neighbour – the cart works well, but the horse is difficult to park.

Finally, I have been asked to make clear my position on education. I have always said that any Canadian can get an excellent K-12 education – it just takes four years of University study to do it. Our policy will be to make education affordable, if you have the money to pay.

So that’s my platform for the Green/Liberal alliance. I will choose a hard ass as my Deputy - Belinda Stronach comes to mind. She has strong views is very determined and has been a Liberal now for almost a year.

Reading over all of this again, I wonder how I can get in touch with the Toronto Maple Leaf’s.