Monday, December 18, 2006

Naked News and Other Stories

The Vatican announced today a major new initiative which will radically change the perception of the church. They are to create a professional football team that will compete in the Italian league and hopes, with the help of God, to make it to the European finals within a decade.

Whatever next ? I can imagine the US House of Representatives creating an all star wrestling team to tackle the Senate. How about the Sisters of Constance, a veritable order of nuns, joining the Naked News team to give it some spiritual guidance and class. Or what about the English cricket team becoming sportsman and, well, playing cricket competitively?

It must be the season. Lotus, partnering with a California company backed by Google billionaires, has launched an electric sports car that can do 0-60 mph in just under 4 seconds. Called the Tesla Roadster, it can achieve the equivalent of 135 mpg. Top speed is estimated at more than 130 mph. More significantly, Tesla claims the car can run up to 250 miles on a charge — a huge leap over earlier electric cars and vehicles, such as General Motors' EV1. You just need a very long cable.

There are some other headlines or news items that caught my eye today. They include these:
  • A man sued his doctor because he survived his cancer longer than the doctor predicted.

  • Two robbers were in the process of their crime when one changed his mind and arrested the other.

  • A woman had her husband's ashes made into an egg timer when he died so he could still "help" in the kitchen.

  • Only 68 of 200 Anglican priests polled could name all Ten Commandments, but half said they believed in space aliens.

  • An American Airlines flight was forced to make an emergency landing Monday morning after a passenger lit a match to disguise the scent of flatulence, authorities said.

  • The world's only bald, Welsh-speaking, Elvis has been receiving death threats.

I checked out the Darwin Awards and came across this:

Phoenix Field airport in Fair Oaks had been subject to recurring petty thefts from neighborhood teenagers, so a security firm was retained to patrol the grounds. Thefts decreased sharply, but fuel consumption was on the rise. This puzzling situation continued until late one night, when a passerby noticed a flaming airplane on the field.

By the time the fire department arrived, the plane had completely melted into the tarmac. While they extinguished the residual flames, the passerby noticed a uniformed figure lying facedown several yards away. It was a security guard!

He was revived and questioned. Turns out he had been siphoning fuel from small planes to use in his car. The plane he selected that night had a unique fuel storage system involving hollow, baffled wing spars. When the determined guard shoved the siphon in, it stubbed against the first baffle. No matter how he twisted, pushed, and pulled the hose, he could not siphon any fuel from the plane. Exasperated, he lit a match to see inside the tank... and the rest is history.

Guess the world is still normal..


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