Luke 2: The Shepherds in the Fields
A Christmas story
(Revised according to recent Vatican discoveries)
8. In that region there were shepherds living in the fields, keeping watch over their flock at night. 9. Then an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for see, I am bringing you good news of great joy for all people, except for any gay people, who are all intrinsically disordered: to you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is the Messiah, the Lord." 11. The youngest shepherd, a gay man, said, "Wait a minute. What does intrinsically disordered mean?" 12. And the angel of the Lord said to the shepherd, "It means that you are more or less ordered towards an intrinsic moral evil." 13. The shepherd said, "I don't understand." 14. And the angel of the Lord said, "Well, if you were to have sex, it would be evil, so you're disordered." 15. And the shepherd, who was very young, said to the angel, "But how can this be? For I am a virgin. All I do is tend my flock by night and rest during the day." 16. The angel of the Lord said, "It doesn't matter. You're still intrinsically disordered, whether you have sex or not. And, according to Monsignor Tony Anatrella, writing in L'Osservatore Romano, you also close yourself off to others, and you only associate with a clan of persons of the same type." 17. The young shepherd questioned the angel again, saying, "But how can this be? All the other shepherds are straight, and they're all my friends." 18. At this, the angel of the Lord grew angry. "I am an angel and stand before the Lord. Are you questioning the Lord your God?" 19. The boy was terrified and he said, "No, I'm just questioning Monsignor Anatrella." 20. And the angel said, "Look, I'm sorry that you're intrinsically disordered, but that's just the way things are these days." 21. Suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among those whom he favors, unless you're intrinsically disordered!" 22. The rest of the shepherds went in haste to Bethlehem to see the thing that had taken place there, except for the boy, who stayed behind in the fields. 23. And the shepherds returned praising God for all they had heard and seen, as it had been told to them, and they searched for the youngest shepherd to tell him the good news. 24. But when they returned the boy and his flock were gone.